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August 2011

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haruki_star21 in desperate_ink

Soon We'll Be Found

Yeah... We're not dead. Just horrible people and even more so horrible, lazy writers. Not going to waste your time with more excuses, so here you go! ... if you still exist. T3T

"Get lost?" I asked Rion, mockingly, as he walked out of my bathroom. The simple and cold surroundings of my bedroom became all that much more desolate as he walked forward, his naked torso a very welcomed contrast of color against the white of the walls and carpet. I could feel my mouth suddenly dry, my tongue all too swollen.

I threw the blue shirt in my hands in his general direction, not paying attention to if I missed or not. I heard a laugh from him as he turned to pick it up from the floor. And that's when I saw it. A simple, black cross with outlined angel wings on both sides. It spanned his entire back. Quite impressive, really. Impressive and... captivating.

"What?" Finally focusing my eyes, I realized he had already stood and turned back to face me, a worried look set upon his face.

Taking a few steps forward, I replied, "I... I guess I just never thought you'd be the sort of guy to have a tattoo, especially one that big." The words were hard to force out from around my swollen tongue. Hearing another soft laugh from him, I could feel my body shudder slightly. What the hell...?

"It was a sixteenth birthday present from Trey, with a little help from Mom. He even came up with the design for it himself. It's how I sign my art now."

I was closer now, within touching distance of him. It was as if life was suddenly being displayed through a High Definition television screen. All I had to do was reach out my hand and I could run my fingers through his golden hair. I imagine each strand would feel like sun-woven silk. Thankfully, my brain was still functioning on automatic and gave a reply to his tale of the tattoo. "Oh." Time felt so slow. The lights bouncing off of my cold, white walls seemed to soak into his still exposed skin. "... Can I see it again?"

"Sure." And with that, he turned around, his back now facing me. I moved forward that one more step. The air felt heavy, too thick to breathe in. I could feel my chest tighten as I lifted my numb arm and traced the black ink. This was the first time I had touched him... and I don't know why I had waited to for so long. I knew the desire to feel his skin beneath my fingers had been there, I just... I don't know. I didn't understand anything that was going on anymore. While tracing his wings I could see his neck muscles shift as he swallowed. I felt a small smile creep onto my face.

"I... um... was really surprised my Mom let us do it. But she said she didn't mind as long as it was somewhere we could cover up for work. Trey's got the same design, but it's on his arm." He lifted a finger to point at his own bicep, indicating the place where his brother must have gotten his tattoo. He turned around then, my finger still in the middle of running up and down his spine so that it grazed across his shoulder as he faced me. Taking a few steps back to give us enough room so we could focus our eyes on one another, my hands already missed the warm feel of him.

He slipped the shirt on, taking the time to fasten the buttons as I took the time to observe his movements. So gentle and undemanding. Every bend of his limbs, every movement of his fingers was enough to make the heat growing within me intensify. My body responded to his every move. I could feel something in me break.

I imagined him sitting by a window, painting upon his canvas. Of running my hands through his hair and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I could hear his carefree laughter ringing in my head. I could see a growing smile upon his face from down the school hall as I approached closer. I needed him. I needed him in my life.

I was desperate. I was oh, so desperate. I was in love.

"Are you o--"

My lips met his. I had closed the space between us in an instant and kissed him. It was bliss. Short, abrupt bliss. I could feel the color drain from my face as I took a step back, realizing what I had done. What had I just done? ... What was that look on his face? Pure shock or.... something else? Something I didn't want to see... Remorse?

"I... um... I have to go now." He took a few unsure steps away from me, then bolted out of the room. I didn't even try to follow. My head was in a spin. Too many realizations all at once. One, I was in love. Inexplicably in love. And two, I had probably just made the biggest mistake of my life.

What was I going to do? What did I want to do? Just because I loved him didn't mean I had to do anything about it... right? I could just go on with life as it was. Nothing had to change. I would just go to school, act normal, sit with The Court and...


The Court. They would never let this pass... They would... And Jessie. Oh, she'd lose it. She'd most definitely find a way to get back at him if she ever found out. ... Oh, hell. What have I done?

Lord, I'm living out a cursed fate. I've fallen in love with a boy... and I want to be happy.

"Caellykins~! The party has arrived!" Does the world never stop?! No sooner does Rion walk out of my house than Jessie and The Court walk in. I knew I should have never given her a spare key... Of course, Ty heads immediately for the refrigerator, Nathan and Paris filing in after him with quick 'hellos'.

"Caelly, I missed you! Hope you haven't been too lonely this afternoon all by your lonesome," she cooed as she wrapped her arms around my neck, forcing my head down for a chaste kiss on my cheek. Unexpectedly, her hands slowly lowered as she took a half-step back. "Well, at least I thought you were alone this afternoon..."

I pried myself gently away from her arms and turned towards the spot on the floor where she had her eyes fixated.

You've got to be kidding me...

It appeared that Rion had left his school bag on the floor. Looking over towards the counter in the kitchen where Ty had yet to find any food, I realized that his books still lay scattered. Nathan picked one of the books off the table.

"College Writing? You haven't actually started studying now, have you, Caelyn?" He waved the book mockingly in the air.

"It's not mine." I could not let them find out. Could. Not. "I found the bag out on the street. The books were inside. It appears they attend our school. I was planning on returning them."

"My, how noble we are." Nathan had been flipping through the textbook but closed it and placed it back on the countertop, giving me a smirk. I returned his dark stare. Jessie's grip on my shirt tightened. With a hand, I brushed her off and walked to the counter. Placing the books into the forgotten bag, I made my way back to my room where I would keep his stuff until I had a chance to return them. My room was darker by now, the sun having gone down soon after Rion had left.

Rion.... his name sounded different somehow. Just saying it in my head brought on dozens of images of his smiling face, only one of the many expressions he wore. I adored each and every one. Except the last I saw. Was it really regret that was displayed on his face so painfully? I pray to God that it wasn't... Please, please let it have been shock and merely that.

Still holding onto a strap of his backpack, I sat at the foot of my bed staring out into the darkness. I sat for as long as I could stand the dark before laying back on my bed and reached a hand out to turn on the lamp on my nightstand. What am I supposed to do?

Did I want Rion? Yes, but let's be reasonable here. This wouldn't work, the two of us, that is. Together. It just wouldn't work. God help us, we're both men. That's just not right. … is it? I mean, we're not the only gay people in the world. Wait, I'm not gay… am I? And Rion's not, is he? I'm the one that kissed him. Assuming he's gay just for that is wrong. … was that why he had that look? Maybe I am the only one riding the train to Rainbow Land here. Maybe… Seriously, what the hell! This can't go on. It can't.

I mean, we'd be made fun of by everyone. Society, our classmates, The Court… our families. Now, I may not be close to my family, but Rion is so close to his. And his mother… what would she think? I can't let Rion do this. I can't let him be a disappointment to his family. I know how that is all too well. But maybe she won't mind? But his father… there's no doubt with him. And Trey? He'd want to beat me to a pulp even more than he already does. Well, he could try, at least.

Speaking of family, what about my father? I haven't see the man since… well, I don't even remember. If Rion and I were together, Dad would never allow it. It'd hurt his reputation. When you're at the top of the world, something like having a gay son, let alone a gay son who's partner is from the lows of Fox Towers, would very quickly bring your status down. He'd hate me for it. Even more than he hates me already, I'm sure.

This is up to me. For the betterment of both of us, I can't let anything more happen between us. But dammit, I'd be lying if I said this wouldn't be tough. I'm not even sure I could pull it off. To force myself to stay away from him just when I realized how good it feels to be with him? God.. help me, please.

Jessie walked into my room then, sitting on the side of the bed next to me. I was still laying back, an arm covering my eyes.

"Caellykins? Are you alright?" She ran a hand along my torso. For a moment, it almost felt comforting. What if… what if I went with it? With Jessie, I mean. Sure, she was a bitch, but even she had her moments… though very few, of course. There were times when I actually was happy to have her around. She loved me. I could see that much, at least. Sure, she loved my money and status more maybe, but she still loved me somewhere in it all. And when it was just the two of us, that side of her showed more. She wouldn't be so hung up on acting all the time. During those times she could mellow out for a bit and just relax. I liked Jessie at those times. She really was gorgeous. I wish she could be herself more. But, like me, she's got her reasons for being how she is, I'm sure. Dad would approve. Jessie's smart, beautiful and strong. Manipulative, I know, but in the business world that's an asset you don't want to let go. And best of all, she was a GIRL.

"Hey, Jess?" Hearing the nickname that I hadn't called her in years, I could feel her hand stop on my chest. I sat up and looked her in the eyes. Like I said, she was gorgeous. No denying that. "Thanks."

"Wh-what for? Cael, are you alright?" She went from shocked to concerned. I couldn't help but smile. She did love me. And I was a bastard for playing with her like this.

"I'm fine. I just… was thinking. But you helped by being here. Thank you." I kissed her beside her eyes gently.


"We should join the others now." I stood and headed for the door, turning to reach out a hand for her to follow. She smiled at me. Really smiled. I should burn in hell.

Returning form my room, I heard the intercom to the apartment buzz.

"Yeah! Pizza!" Ty called out, slamming the fridge door with a newfound hope in finding food.

"But I never order pizza... " And then it hit me. It was Rion. He came back for his stuff. I hadn't mentioned that The Court would be here in the afternoon. "I'll answer it," I said hurriedly. It must have been the fact that I was so adamant that got Jessie curious. She grabbed my hand to stop me from moving forward. Looking back towards my room for a moment, she turned to face me, a fleeting and sad look in her eyes.

She knew. She knew it was Rion's stuff and that it was Rion I was thinking of in my room. She knew. Her eyes narrowed. I didn't know what to do. I was frozen. I didn't want anyone to find out. No one. And for Jessie to be the first? I couldn't move. She reached the phone before I could get my feet to cooperate. For the first time in a long time, I felt fear run through me.

Twirling the cord of the phone in her fingers she faced the rest of us so we could see her playful grin. "Hellooo? ... No, this isn't him. ... You don't say! ... No, I insist that you come in. ... Oh, please? I'm sure he'd be sooo happy to see you... Yay! Alright now. Bye-bye~!" She hung up the phone and pressed the button to allow the elevator to reach the penthouse floor. "Well, Cael, looks like we'll be having an extra guest." The smile she wore made her seem all too pleased with herself.

As Ty, Nathan, Paris and my cold, white walls looked on Jessie walked over, hands outstretched, and pulled me into a deep, forceful kiss. In the middle of that kiss I could hear the door open. Rion had just entered and there was nothing that could save him from what was about to happen. I had made up my mind. Rion, I'm so sorry.

I kissed Jessie back.


*hops up and down* I still exist!

Oh man, I missed your stuff. A lot. And as happy as I am that you've posted, I'm now extremely worried of how the next chapter will turn out. Rion D:

So congrats on your being not-dead and your updating! Hugs all around! xD
Thanks! And don't worry about Rion too much. I promised him a puppy today! So he's all sorts of happy. Well, outside the story, at least. Lol. So... it's been a while, huh? Craaaazyness...
Aww, a little fluffy to keep Rion company~

And "a while" is a bit of an understatement. I seriously thought the two of you had just completely disappeared or something. xD All's well on your end, I hope?
It's been alright. Good times and bad. Naturally, things happen when two years have passed. But, I've still got Ri with me, at least. Can't ask for much more than that. XD

How about you? All things well on your end?
Eh, same old same old. Scraping by and trying not to cause too much trouble. xD Nothing life-changing. I don't think much has changed at all, actually. xD But I guess no news is good news some of the time. xDD
Lol. That it is. But that's good that you've been doing fine. Rion should be on at some point tonight. He went out to the movies with his mom. I'm sure he'll be happy to read your comments. =]


~~dances around the room~~

You didn't disappear after all!! I WAS beginning to wonder. (~cough536dayscough~~)

Not as big a cliffhanger as last time, but I will still check daily for the next part.

Thanks for making my day.


Haha. The fact that you counted how many days has passed makes me happy. =]

And Rion should be finishing his part soon so look forward to that!

Thanks for keeping faith in us!
I must admit, I had totally forgotten about this. But reading just this one entry brought all the excitement about it back, I'm so glad you're still updating! ♥ I'm dying for the next one, eek~ :'D


I understand, definitely. No worries. =]

And thanks for still keeping us on your list at least! Rion and I were afraid everyone had already deleted us or something. And Rion's working as we speak.

"Effychan commented, by the way."
"You replying now?"
"Nooooo! You're supposed to reply, silly. I'm too busy writing my entry."

So there you have it. Expect it soon!
But of course, no thanks required! I didn't want to miss anything on the off chance that you'd update again. <3

An' yayy, I'm so glad to hear it. I can't wait!
So it might be a few more days till the next entry. Ri's going on a 2-3 week vacation visiting family and friends. By himself. Driving. Lord, give me strength not to worry too much. XS Buuut, he wanted me to tell you so you wouldn't be too disappointed when he didn't update. He'll work on it when he can and post it when he gets to it, but... yeah. Anywho, hope you're have a great summer doing whatever you're doing!
S'no problem, I can wait. ♥ And pray that Rion has a safe/good trip, lol.

An' thanks, I hope you do too!